I choose Joy

This post was started at the end of May. May 17th to be exact...

Today, I lost a pearl of a little friend...

From the first day I met her, she was special to me. She lived in a community where Streethearts boys serve. Our boys were in Petit Anse after a flood last October to hand out food, vitamins and fungus shampoo for the local kids. Naturally, I was doing what I do best, having fun with local kids while our kids did the "serving"! She was the only one who would dance with me out of a crowd. She was a brave, feisty, spirited and an incredibly sweet little girl. She was taken so soon and although my heart deeply hurts, I know she is dancing with Jesus now with a permanent smile on her little sweet face. Please pray for her mother, her sisters and her brother for their loss. Please pray for the community. Pray for Haiti. Pray for economy... for jobs so mothers and fathers can take their kids to get simple medical treatment for basic care. It is heartbreaking that children are dying from illnesses that simple medical treatment can cure. The details of her death are very unclear. "She became sick and then she died"... She is in a better place, but the rest of us are left with a hole in our hearts. meanwhile I have these pictures and the memory of her smile as she ran to greet me every time I came to visit

My shadow. Rest in peace sweet girl

Since I left Haiti for my short break stateside, I have been surrounded by death. It started with Emmanua and since I've been back (beginning of July), never in my life have I experienced so much death in such a short amount of time. I'm pretty sure more in the past 3 months than in my entire life. The street kids murdered on the boulevard, a young boy murdered near the kids house and yet another senseless killing near my house of a moto driver (all late at night when I'm not out). This could easily be a way for fear or sadness to creep into my life and keep me from living my life. Keep me from doing what I know I've been called to do. Driving up to the lifeless body of a child and seeing what could not possibly have been done by human hands to an innocent child...but knowing it, in fact, was done by a human. I can't deal with that. How can anyone deal with that? But, I was given great advice this past month. What can you do? When faced with challenges, trauma, pain, what have you.. what can YOU do?

I can choose joy. Every time I go back out to Petit Anse and Emmanua does not run up to me with arms out... I choose joy. When the kids on the boulevard tell me they are scared they will become a voodoo sacrifice. I choose joy. Not only for myself, but to impart a message of joy and life to the kids and the people I am honored to have in my life can hold on to as well. I choose to respond lovingly when I am asked a rude question on the street by someone who thinks i don't speak Kreyol. I choose joy when I feel betrayed, or rejected or annoyed. Or when I'm asked to take a selfie with 40 kids in 5 minutes. Why not choose joy in taking a selfie with kids that think I'm pretty special. Why not choose joy?! It's beautiful chaos half the time, but it's so worth it! And why not have that attitude for life in general, regardless of where I live or what I "do"?! It has actually made life so much easier. With joy comes more love, more patience, more gentleness, more kindness... more of what I want in my life. 

Don't get me wrong! I don't alway choose joy first, but at least I am quicker to recognize it these days. Life is too short to let satan bring me down with all the things I can't control or things that are or can be overwhelming (perfect example...moms, you get this: hearing my name 170 times a minute from 35 different kids!!). My question at this point though is... why has it taken me so long to "get it"?!! hahaha!! whatever!! I choose joy and I am not going to worry about how long it took me to figure it out ;) 

"...do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!" Nehemiah 8:10

For those of you that skip to the pictures...you and I both know who you are! Here ya go ;) Love you all!

 kiddos arguing and hoarding chocolate. Joy!

 Having 12 kids climb on you in a pool. Joy! 

Fritz wants his picture and our picture taken multiple times a day. I changed it up with a forehead kiss this day. Joy!

 Taking 10 minutes to make a human pyramid. Joy! Look at those smiles! Worth it! 

 Wedky wanting another selfie. Honored. Joy! 

 Jacqueline was a 2nd chance kid. I am so glad he's with us. 180 degree changes! Joy! 

Johnky trying to teach our visitors how to dance... hysterical. Joy! 

Heart soft enough to feel

I leave Haiti in one week to come back stateside for some rest. I haven’t been back since December 4^th and even that trip was a whirlwind, fast turnaround fundraising trip for Streethearts. I am tired. I am emotionally and spiritually tired and looking forward to some time to be poured into and not constantly pouring myself out.  I’m so excited to see friends and family. I’m so excited for this chance to recharge... and I'm also including pictures to keep your attention ;) 

Hiking up to San Souci Palace with Evenson

sitting on cannons with my mom and 

step-dad (Shelley and Bill)

this picture was obviously candid. Our puppies need lots 

of cuddle time to socialize them to humans. 

They were alone in the mountains and are still 

scared of most people

Before I go, I really want to get little mini bio’s written about the kids for marketing purposes. I am sitting at my kitchen table this morning going through the folders with our kids backgrounds one at a time. I am reading and typing, reading and typing. Get it done mode. I turned on a playlist I put together for my sabbatical to Israel last spring and started singing along… then it hit me hard.  A flood of tears. Something so deep in my soul just felt so… so sad. I have become so calloused to so much of life here.

These kids I am here to work with and love on are so different from who they were that it is easy to forget the reason they were on the streets, what they went through… or maybe I’ve just become so hardened to the pain of a reality that was never mine because it’s too hard to imagine. It breaks my heart when I really think about it. Every time. No child, anywhere, should ever have to go through what these kids have gone through. And there are still so many kids living on the streets that don’t have the confidence to leave that life yet. What about them? When you see them, they are rough. I mean ROUGH! They talk rough, they act rough and they are dirty. They need love too. They say and do what they do to shock you so you won't be disappointed in them or so when you tell them how rough or unwanted they are you won't hurt them with words or neglect. We will never know the full details of all the things that really took place on the streets for our kids now and the kids still on the streets. We just have an idea. How can humans do these things to each other? to children?

hug attacked by the boys

work day at the house. taking a little 

break with Julio and Johnky

Giving a tour of the house to a group from Texas. 

perhaps I was saying "The spider was this big"

So sitting there crying, I think...I didn’t come here so I could be changed by the hardness of this place. I came here to love people even when it’s hard. Some days I feel like I fail. Some days I feel like God has a huge smile on his face and is really proud of me (even though it’s all His work in me anyway). Reality is, the hardness has changed me. In order to protect yourself you harden. I don’t want this. I am asking you all to pray for me, our staff and our kids. Pray Ezekiel 36:26 for us.  God says “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh”… I don’t want a hardened heart to protect me from what hurts or frustrates or what is difficult. I want Gods heart. I want that for our staff and our kids as well.

Thank you for your constant support and encouragement!! Much love to you all! I'll leave you with this jewel of a picture. It's been said that it will be used against me for embarrassment purposes... Not if I post it first ;) muahahhahaha!!!

another candid of me singing in the back of 

Ti-Papi's(my friend/driver) car... loud

Incentives and Education

This semester was rough for a lot of the kids. We saw a lot of grades decline so we are working hard with our tutors to bring them up for the 4th and final semester of the year! We still had a good handful of student with almost perfect scores. Just think... 2 years ago some of these kids could not even read or write! 5 of these kids (including John Caesar who was voted SCHOOL president) go to one of the best schools in Cap. We've come so far! As a reward/good grade incentive for the boys that have above a 6 (8 is highest), we went to the beach! These kids worked HARD in school and they deserved a day of fun.

The boys waiting on a tap tap to pick them up for school. President John Caesar is sitting in the chair with a black and red book bag

Johny is getting in trouble here. I was trying so hard not to laugh. He was supposed to be getting water, but instead he was painting side burns on his face... he was late for the tap tap, which caused everyone to leave late. bahaha. These kids are hilarious! "If it's funny later, it's funny now" - Pastor Marion

studying with Professor Guitto after school. Ti-Cardo (skate city sleeveless t-shirt) has the highest GPA in the house. He's earned it! 

Wedky and Michel Gladson taking a break from their lesson to pose for a picture. They need a little less posing a lot more study! 

The plan was to go to Labadee boat beach, catch a boat taxi to Belly beach (only accessible by hike or boat), swim, eat fresh sea food and Linsey was going to take the kids jet-skiing! The ULTIMATE reward in the eyes of any teen age boy! They jet-ski was broken and they were trying to overcharge us for the beach fee. I was able to sweet talk the beach attendant back down to the normal price of using the beach, but we realized it would be better to go someplace where we can have more an ocean excursion....So after many attempts to find other jet ski's we went back to the boat landing and drove our 8 top scorers to Cormier Plage Resort for some snorkeling, kayaking and amazing fresh sea food.

this is the view from Belly Beach... such a gorgeous country! 

Guensly and me on the boat to Belly. He is a great kid. I remember the first day he came to Streethearts. Now he has some of the top grades! He is an average, typical teen... he wants to look fresh and swaggerish, and he enjoys selfies and watching soccer :)

Michel Pierre and me on the boat back to Labadee... He came to my house to see me when I threw out my back (that's a whole other blog!). He said he wanted to sweep my floor. Instead he fell asleep in my guest bedroom. Ha!! 

We split up, while some boys were kayaking (that was a hilarious sight to see) the other boys and I  went to snorkel. It was amazing. I had not snorkeled in Haiti yet (I know!! how is this possible?!) and I was impressed with the reef. I gave each of the kids a reef conservation talk before we went out and told them basic hand signs based on what they were about to see. It was BEAUTIFUL!!! Samson was by far the most comfortable with floating and chilling on the surface of the water, Julien and Jackie were a close second. I loved every minute of my time with the boys and kept thinking, today could not be more perfect! We held hands and went all over the reef pointing out the different fish, the anemone, sea urchins of all colors and sizes, the different types of coral and all the other little critters down there. I wish I had pictures of all of this, but I had put my phone up to keep it from getting wet :( 

This is one of Samsons, my snorkle buddy, selfies I found on my phone after he ran a marathon in Labadee with the Caribbean running cruise team on a Royal Caribbean cruise. Love it! 

Julio and Jacky were enjoying the last bit of time at the beach after dinner. These are two very smart and very introspective kids. Love, love, LOVE these kids.

One thing that we do at the house from time to time or when the boys come to visit my house (usually in smaller groups) is look through pictures on my computer so I can teach the boys about other countries. We also look up videos of current events or famous places and talk about them. So with the  news of the earthquake (Tranblemantè) in Nepal, They have asked to talk about Nepal again (most of the boys have looked at pictures of Nepal with me before). We talked about avalanches (because of the avalanche at base camp, which we watched on mute since they say the "f" word about 70 times in a row) and how that can be deadly. The boys were fascinated watching some footage of other avalanches around the world. I explained that Nepal is a poorer country than Haiti. This was very hard for some of the kids to understand and specifically Ti-Sony said he didn't believe that was true. So, we did some economic research together.

Ti-Sony and I showing off our ability to lift cannon balls at the Citadelle. We are so strong.

Ti-Sony also enjoys playing dominoes! He's losing here in this picture, hahaha! I still don't get the close pin thing, but whatever!

According to "the internets" (which is never wrong), or more accurately Global Finance Magazine online, the poorest country in the world is Democratic Republic of Congo. So we talked about Pastor Niki's dad, who is from Congo and the trials he had as a kid; how God has used those trials for good and gave him an opportunity to change his life through education, which now allows him to help others all over the world, including Streethearts. Then we got to Nepal. Ranked #19 just behind Haiti, #20 (I was right... duh). They were hard pressed to believe people had it worse than they do. I love how attentive they get when we talk about life in other countries. Usually during prayers, I make it a point to thank God for the freedom to praise Him and ask for protection of people in countries that don't have freedom to choose their faith. This turned into a very interesting conversation. The boys had no idea that people are killed for their faith around the world daily... to further this conversation and really explain, I will need my Kreyòl vocabulary to be a lot larger! Goes back thousands of years kids. For now we continue to pray for Christians and others around the world being persecuted for their faith. 

We talked about the riots in Baltimore and what is going on there. They were floored that we have those problems in the US. I explained again that education changes our future, education is power and they should not throw away or take for granted the second chances they have been given. God has beautiful plans for them, for hope and a future (hey Jenn, wasn't that one of our bible verses?... Why yes. Yes it was).

I found Marcny hanging out alone drawing... happy as can be. This new house gives our boys space to be kids

These kids blow my mind daily. Here is a kid that lived on the streets for years. He was a rough one... but today he asked for a coloring book and crayons and he sat there for hours coloring. Every now and then, he would show me a picture, smile and go right back to coloring. Just like any other kid, he was excited to show me his finished product and his face lite up when I would tell him how much I loved it! Love never fails. 

Ti-PaP coloring and showing off one of the final products... Look at that dimple! 

The other day Ricardo (one of our older kids in workforce program) came to the safehouse after work. I was writing the rules of the house in Kreyòl and he started to read what I had written... very slow. In my efficient "let's get it done" manner I almost jumped in to read it faster, but then I remembered: whoa!! THIS IS HUGE!!! He is reading!!!! This is THE best! Music to my ears! 

                                    Ricardo petting our new lil' pup Salsa after work

These kids have come so far and I could not be more proud to know them and share life with them. To watch them grow and change into the young men God intended for them to be. There is no greater gift. These are the kind of moments that make this life worth living. This is why we are here. 

so then there's that...

DISCLAIMER: If you suffer from katsaridaphobia (fear of cockroaches) or fear of peeing on yourself, you should not read this. Also, if you do not want to know me in a very close personal (some may say "too much information") kind of way… 

DO NOT READ THIS. 

However if the above mentioned topics are not a problem for you, please continue

So then there are the nights that you've been at a soccer game sweating, you walk home from it 24+ blocks-sweating and sit at your kitchen talking with your friends that went to the game with you till 10pm (you guessed it... Sweating)... All you want to do is go shower. Oops. You forgot to buy toilet paper today and it's after 10, nothing is open... so you decide you'll just pee in the shower. You have to pee bad. You get in, turn on the water, and start to ease your way into the (cold) water while starting to pee, just as a big roach runs up out of the drain (trying to escape the cold water) aaaaaand the water runs out of your cistern... While you're still peeing on yourself and can't seem to stop. Thank God for baby wipes. Thank mom for bringing them when she came to visit.

Please don't let the roach part undermine the part about coming to visit ;) 

queue beautiful picture... who doesn't love a beautiful picture to take their mind off of other not so beautiful images. 

view from the Citadelle

#89 24i, Cap-Haitien, Haiti...

My house…

Now keep in mind that affordable housing in Haiti is hard to find. If I had $1000 each month to pay I could get a place that was nicer with hot water and AC… but I also don’t need or want AC, although hot water would be nice. My thought process (and this is just for me) is that the people I serve don’t have a lot of luxury so why would I need it? There are people in Haiti working with poor and have AC. I have no issue with that. This is just my personal decision.

Thus, we negotiated for the landlord to put in ceiling fans in each bedroom. I also have a stand up fan that burned out after too many power surges. It makes a nice clothes tree. When we have electricity the fans are quite nice ;) The house is pretty cool because it's a first floor apartment, my neighbors on the second floor tell me it gets pretty hot when the power is out. I also had some of our security staff members build a screen door for me. The breeze is so nice to have during the day without letting all the mosquitoes and flys in the house.

 view from the street.

my back door and propane tank for cooking 

Tipapi patiently hanging out at my house waiting for me while I work with a good wifi connection! He was pilfering wifi so he didn’t mind too much for the delay.

the “living room”…not a lot of living done here, just clothes folding.

This was Youvenx bedroom. Now its my guest bedroom.

my bedroom.

the bathroom.

This is the washing machine that was stolen from inside my house.

Roubi (9 months)

La Pousa (means "waiting for trouble)

And these are the guard dogs that did nothing to stop it ;)

And the occasional donkey caravan outside...  

And then of course there was Ti-Pierre, the little gecko who lived in my kitchen. He would sit on the screen and watch me cook or over the sink and watch me do dishes. He would hide in my dishes, or pop out of the pans. He also enjoyed playing in the clean ice trays. He was very friendly and eventually had no problems with me picking him up...especially if he was on the floor. I would put my hand down, he would run onto it and I would put him back up on the screen near the bugs. He was fun. I put some fly poison down on the other side of the kitchen... that's all I can think of. I found Ti-Pierre on the floor in front of the oven one morning last week. I went to scoop him and he didn't move. He was dead :( I was sad. My little buddy is gone. Now I have another zondolit (gecko) but he's fat and ugly and not friendly.

Ti-Pierre