One year. Congo... come again?!

Is it really a year?! It actually feels like years have past, that is how much has happened! It’s one thing to know life would be different and I would face challenges, but nothing could ever quite have prepared me to walk through them. But for every challenge there has been great reward. And for every story, there is a new chapter!

Whoever invented Apple's Photo Booth is my hero. Hours of entertainment!!! 

Me and Johnky acting like fools and laughing for what felt like hours. 

What I’ve Been Doing

My roles and “title” have morphed over the last year. But my objective is the same: Love big. Take time out of the administrative tasks to respond to my name for the 78th time in 2 minutes with a smile, to shoot a basketball, and to give a hug. Sit with the 20 year old and practice writing his name. Surprise the kids at school so they know I love them enough to check in on them. I will never forget Wedky (one of our rougher kids) at this past annual Karnaval. I gave him about $10 to go pick up something and bring me change. Another “regular” kid told me I shouldn’t trust him with money because “he’s a street kid.” Before I could say anything, Wedky turned around with a smile (not a razor blade!) and said “she’s my mom, she has complete confidence in me.”

me and Wedky... I've known this kid for more than 2 years. He's come a LONG way!! 

And I do. I have confidence in these kids because they are working so hard to change their lives, and I’ve seen the change. They are studying after school. They are practicing soccer and basketball to learn to be a team. They do their chores. But for me, more importantly, they are grasping the concept of Gods grace and mercy. God is love. He is encouragement not judgment. He offers forgiveness not shame. The change in these kids’ attitudes and behavior is astounding to me when I think back to what they were like during my first trip summer of 2013… whoosh!! These are different kids all together. My heart is full.

Challenges and Rewards

I’ve had some real heartache this year. For example, some kids made the heartbreaking choice to leave our program and go live back on the streets. A young girl who lived in the slums, Emmanua, really won my heart. But she died unexpectedly this year, without the ability for her family to get her medical help or even properly bury her body. And most recently, voodoo practitioners trying to affect the outcome of local elections murdered street kids (not in our program). One of the kids was murdered near my house, and I was one of the first responders on scene. Not only am I dealing with the aftermath of that personally, but I’ve also helped other kids talk through this. Even now, every day I pass this part of town, I look down hoping that it never actually happened. But the blood stains are still there. It’s hard to keep tender-hearted and full of love and joy in the middle of all this.

Markny made the decision to return to the streets while I was home in June. 

As I sit in a hotel writing this blog he is outside on the streets calling my name. 

I go outside, give him a hug and a kiss. Tell him he's better than life on the streets and God has a plan. 

He says he knows, but just can't go back... 

One of the ways I’m staying strong is by remembering the rewards! I have seen many more street kids come into our program this year. Because of our love, academic focus, and Christian development activities, I have seen beautiful growth in the kids! I have had the privilege of leading several youth and staff to Christ and help them begin their faith journeys. And I got to see the kids’ lives changed when we moved them into a much bigger, cleaner group home. I’ve led Bible studies, baptized kids, helped kids learn to read, and scooped boys up off the street to forever transform their lives. That’s amazing! I am humbled to have been a part of these transformations.

What’s Next: “No Way!”

Much to my surprise, a couple months ago I felt the Lord was leading me to go serve the women and children who are victims of rape and violence in the eastern Democratic Republic of the Congo. This will be a far more challenging mission assignment than my current one, so I sought counsel from advisors and input from my pastors. They agreed that this was how the Lord was directing me. While this will be hard, I’m committed to going wherever Jesus leads me.

Pastors: Vanessa, me, Ester and Camille Ntoto (of Africa New Day) and Niki last October meeting over lunch

Thus, I’m currently wrapping up my season at Streethearts. I’m transitioning the Christian Studies program, saying goodbye to the boys, and finishing well. While my heart grieves the goodbyes, I’m really excited about this next adventure. I plan to spend the latter part of this year moving out of Haiti, receiving missionary training, joining my new mission partners, and engaging in some long overdue soul care. At the start of the next year, I plan to join a Christian organization called Africa New Day in Goma, Congo to help with their women's and children's programs. Even though the region is different, the objective is the same: Love big.

What You Can Do!

I’m embarking on a great Kingdom adventure, and I’d love for you to join me! To everyone who has supported me this past year, I say THANK YOU! You’ve provided me with the means to do the work I am called to do. Not only have you sustained me, but also you’ve enabled me to help feed and provide for several street kids.

Me and Ti-ton. He's pretty quiet, but when he opens up, he's funny and very smart

 Please consider partnering with me again to love and serve women and children in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. I will need your help and support to stay safe and to keep serving. Here are two ways to partner with me:

Financial Support- My current goal is to raise US $22,000 to cover all my expenses for one year.  This will cover my health insurance, travel and transportation, room/board, phone and Internet, clean water, food, and security (which is critical in the Democratic Republic of the Congo). 

For tax-deductible monthly or one time donations, you may send checks made payable to: Mount Vernon Foursquare Fellowship (“MVFF”) 5200 Eisenhower Avenue, Suite 200 Alexandria VA 22304; **please be sure to designate your donation by writing  “Missions- Congo” on the memo line of your check. You can also donate with credit card at

https://www.razoo.com/story/Missions-Funds-For-Congo (Please note, however, that if you choose this option, 4% of your donation will be deducted.)

Prayer Support & Encouragement- Please pray for my spiritual and physical health and safety. Please pray for the armor of God to guard my body and spirit, and that no weapon formed against me shall prosper. Please also pray against sickness.  If you could possibly send me encouraging messages or notes, it would mean a great deal to me. Even if I’m not able to immediately write you back!

Countryside in Haiti... Gorgeous. I will miss it here

Thank you so much for reading this blog and considering my support needs. Please continue to follow my blog here at www.heartcross-studios.blogspot.com. Also, if you have any questions or if you want to know more about what I am doing or if you know of anyone else who would be interested in hearing about my mission work, please feel free to forward my information.

Gratefully,

Jenn <3 font="">

I choose Joy

This post was started at the end of May. May 17th to be exact...

Today, I lost a pearl of a little friend...

From the first day I met her, she was special to me. She lived in a community where Streethearts boys serve. Our boys were in Petit Anse after a flood last October to hand out food, vitamins and fungus shampoo for the local kids. Naturally, I was doing what I do best, having fun with local kids while our kids did the "serving"! She was the only one who would dance with me out of a crowd. She was a brave, feisty, spirited and an incredibly sweet little girl. She was taken so soon and although my heart deeply hurts, I know she is dancing with Jesus now with a permanent smile on her little sweet face. Please pray for her mother, her sisters and her brother for their loss. Please pray for the community. Pray for Haiti. Pray for economy... for jobs so mothers and fathers can take their kids to get simple medical treatment for basic care. It is heartbreaking that children are dying from illnesses that simple medical treatment can cure. The details of her death are very unclear. "She became sick and then she died"... She is in a better place, but the rest of us are left with a hole in our hearts. meanwhile I have these pictures and the memory of her smile as she ran to greet me every time I came to visit

My shadow. Rest in peace sweet girl

Since I left Haiti for my short break stateside, I have been surrounded by death. It started with Emmanua and since I've been back (beginning of July), never in my life have I experienced so much death in such a short amount of time. I'm pretty sure more in the past 3 months than in my entire life. The street kids murdered on the boulevard, a young boy murdered near the kids house and yet another senseless killing near my house of a moto driver (all late at night when I'm not out). This could easily be a way for fear or sadness to creep into my life and keep me from living my life. Keep me from doing what I know I've been called to do. Driving up to the lifeless body of a child and seeing what could not possibly have been done by human hands to an innocent child...but knowing it, in fact, was done by a human. I can't deal with that. How can anyone deal with that? But, I was given great advice this past month. What can you do? When faced with challenges, trauma, pain, what have you.. what can YOU do?

I can choose joy. Every time I go back out to Petit Anse and Emmanua does not run up to me with arms out... I choose joy. When the kids on the boulevard tell me they are scared they will become a voodoo sacrifice. I choose joy. Not only for myself, but to impart a message of joy and life to the kids and the people I am honored to have in my life can hold on to as well. I choose to respond lovingly when I am asked a rude question on the street by someone who thinks i don't speak Kreyol. I choose joy when I feel betrayed, or rejected or annoyed. Or when I'm asked to take a selfie with 40 kids in 5 minutes. Why not choose joy in taking a selfie with kids that think I'm pretty special. Why not choose joy?! It's beautiful chaos half the time, but it's so worth it! And why not have that attitude for life in general, regardless of where I live or what I "do"?! It has actually made life so much easier. With joy comes more love, more patience, more gentleness, more kindness... more of what I want in my life. 

Don't get me wrong! I don't alway choose joy first, but at least I am quicker to recognize it these days. Life is too short to let satan bring me down with all the things I can't control or things that are or can be overwhelming (perfect example...moms, you get this: hearing my name 170 times a minute from 35 different kids!!). My question at this point though is... why has it taken me so long to "get it"?!! hahaha!! whatever!! I choose joy and I am not going to worry about how long it took me to figure it out ;) 

"...do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!" Nehemiah 8:10

For those of you that skip to the pictures...you and I both know who you are! Here ya go ;) Love you all!

 kiddos arguing and hoarding chocolate. Joy!

 Having 12 kids climb on you in a pool. Joy! 

Fritz wants his picture and our picture taken multiple times a day. I changed it up with a forehead kiss this day. Joy!

 Taking 10 minutes to make a human pyramid. Joy! Look at those smiles! Worth it! 

 Wedky wanting another selfie. Honored. Joy! 

 Jacqueline was a 2nd chance kid. I am so glad he's with us. 180 degree changes! Joy! 

Johnky trying to teach our visitors how to dance... hysterical. Joy! 

Heart soft enough to feel

I leave Haiti in one week to come back stateside for some rest. I haven’t been back since December 4^th and even that trip was a whirlwind, fast turnaround fundraising trip for Streethearts. I am tired. I am emotionally and spiritually tired and looking forward to some time to be poured into and not constantly pouring myself out.  I’m so excited to see friends and family. I’m so excited for this chance to recharge... and I'm also including pictures to keep your attention ;) 

Hiking up to San Souci Palace with Evenson

sitting on cannons with my mom and 

step-dad (Shelley and Bill)

this picture was obviously candid. Our puppies need lots 

of cuddle time to socialize them to humans. 

They were alone in the mountains and are still 

scared of most people

Before I go, I really want to get little mini bio’s written about the kids for marketing purposes. I am sitting at my kitchen table this morning going through the folders with our kids backgrounds one at a time. I am reading and typing, reading and typing. Get it done mode. I turned on a playlist I put together for my sabbatical to Israel last spring and started singing along… then it hit me hard.  A flood of tears. Something so deep in my soul just felt so… so sad. I have become so calloused to so much of life here.

These kids I am here to work with and love on are so different from who they were that it is easy to forget the reason they were on the streets, what they went through… or maybe I’ve just become so hardened to the pain of a reality that was never mine because it’s too hard to imagine. It breaks my heart when I really think about it. Every time. No child, anywhere, should ever have to go through what these kids have gone through. And there are still so many kids living on the streets that don’t have the confidence to leave that life yet. What about them? When you see them, they are rough. I mean ROUGH! They talk rough, they act rough and they are dirty. They need love too. They say and do what they do to shock you so you won't be disappointed in them or so when you tell them how rough or unwanted they are you won't hurt them with words or neglect. We will never know the full details of all the things that really took place on the streets for our kids now and the kids still on the streets. We just have an idea. How can humans do these things to each other? to children?

hug attacked by the boys

work day at the house. taking a little 

break with Julio and Johnky

Giving a tour of the house to a group from Texas. 

perhaps I was saying "The spider was this big"

So sitting there crying, I think...I didn’t come here so I could be changed by the hardness of this place. I came here to love people even when it’s hard. Some days I feel like I fail. Some days I feel like God has a huge smile on his face and is really proud of me (even though it’s all His work in me anyway). Reality is, the hardness has changed me. In order to protect yourself you harden. I don’t want this. I am asking you all to pray for me, our staff and our kids. Pray Ezekiel 36:26 for us.  God says “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh”… I don’t want a hardened heart to protect me from what hurts or frustrates or what is difficult. I want Gods heart. I want that for our staff and our kids as well.

Thank you for your constant support and encouragement!! Much love to you all! I'll leave you with this jewel of a picture. It's been said that it will be used against me for embarrassment purposes... Not if I post it first ;) muahahhahaha!!!

another candid of me singing in the back of 

Ti-Papi's(my friend/driver) car... loud